Parents

As a parent, there are many things I want for my kids, I want them to be happy, I want them to grow up and do something they enjoy doing and feel the huge sense of satisfaction in what they choose. I want them to feel that no matter what age, they can come to me and tell me their highs and lows.

Tonight, after being told my grandad had been taken into hospital today because of a bad chest infection, that this time it was serious. Now I didn’t mean for this to slip out, but whilst being told this and after a couple of responses of ‘you always say that’ and the look and words of ‘yeah, but this time it is’, I accidentally said ‘yeah, but you always do this’! What I was meant to say was ‘you always say this’, but I fucked up with my words. The response to that was ‘ok, I won’t tell you anymore then’. Always a great response from a parent.

What I really wanted to say was ‘well you do and you know what, I can’t take it as well as what you actually think and I really struggle each time I’m told that you think he’s at the end and then he pulls through’. Obviously I’m glad when he pulls through. I don’t want to say goodbye to him. Each time it’s happened I end up in pieces overthinking it and I’m sorry my words came out like that earlier, but actually, maybe I needed to say it for my own sake because else I’d be sat here doing the overthinking thing again.

I’m learning to protect my feelings more and more. Maybe today my subconscious took over for a moment to help me out.